By Christina Grice, Ph.D.
What the heck is a dialectic? In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)1 the youth and families in San Diego Center for Children IOP learn that a dialectic is two seemingly opposing things can both be true. Let me explain using the holidays. In the media, through holiday songs, and Instagram pictures of families in matching pajamas, we are inundated with messages that during the holidays we should be experiencing joy, warmth, and merry times. Yet, 88% of U.S. citizens feel the holidays are the most stressful time of year.2 How can this be? A dialectical stance would be to understand that both may be true. During the holidays we may experience joy and stress and potentially several other emotions. Allowing ourselves to have a range of reactions to the holidays is a good first step to helping build self-awareness, regulate our emotions, and practice self-validation. If we allow a range of experiences, we can figure out our own wants and needs during this holiday season.
For many people this time of year can bring out loneliness, stress, and anxiety and that is okay! You are not alone.
Risk factors for holiday blues/stress:
- Difficult family dynamics
- Separation from family
- Alternatively, spending time with people who may have hurt you
- Missing traditions at home
- Unrealistic expectations for holiday merriment
- Loss of a loved one
- Thinking about the end of the year and how expectations of where they would be may have not come true
- Health concerns
Regardless of your situation, the holidays can be a time where we practice mindfulness (being aware of the present moment) and making skillful choices
Practical suggestions:
- Allow yourself and others to experience mixed emotions- many people feel positive and uncomfortable feelings during the holidays.
- Youth with mental health concerns may have fun and continue to feel depressed or struggle with another mental health concern at the same time
- Practice self-care during the holidays – schedule enjoyable activities for yourself, self soothe with the senses: taste (a favorite holiday treat in moderation), touch (soft blanket), hear (music you enjoy), smell (candle), sight (take a nature walk), movement (stretch/yoga)
- Community care is when you lean on and support your community. When feeling lonely, try an opposite action of doing for others, volunteer, practice acts of gratitude
- Help youth find emotional balance- recognize true feelings and allow time and space for them to feel sadness, anger, grief, etc. Maybe cry or listen to sad music or write/draw feelings/pain. Know when to sit with and experience emotions and when to focus on something else. It is a balancing act.
- When doing activities with others- focus on the activity and be mindful, which means try to stay in the present moment. When being social, it may help to focus on others and the situation rather than get stuck in our own thoughts.
- Make a cope ahead plan for family triggers and holiday-blues. What can you do when the stressful situation occurs? Can you use a coping skill? Who are people you can reach out to for help and support? Do you need to make a plan to leave the situation if needed?
- Observe your boundaries. It is okay to say no. Practice makes perfect. Learn what feels okay to you.
- Reflect on the spiritual aspects of the holidays- this could be religious beliefs but does not have to be. What are the spiritual elements or values of the holidays that are meaningful? How can you find peace and strength in the bigger meaning?
- Make new traditions, do something creative, sing, dance, play an instrument, write a letter to yourself, make a decoration.
- Create a new ritual to honor loved and lost ancestors
- Get into nature, practice mindfulness with the 5 senses in nature, do a mindful nature walk
- Plan ahead regarding therapy and medication appointments. Call 988 if you need-in-the-moment mental health support
- Heard, H. L., & Linehan, M. M. (1994). Dialectical behavior therapy: An integrative approach to the treatment of borderline personality disorder. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 4(1), 55–82. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0101147
- https://www.studyfinds.org/jingle-bell-crock-88-of-americans-feel-the-holiday-season-is-most-stressful-time-of-year/